This lovely guide is written by a ‘noam called Flibbleone, Earthen Ring, EU. Original post can be found on wow-europe forums.

Got no guild? Need to Pug yourself to gear and glory but don’t want the endless repair bill from Stupid groups? then fear no more, for the cowards guide to raiding is here, detailing everything a coward should know, from an inevitable wipe, character types to look out for, to knowing what to do when Leroy’s second cousin does a random charge at the boss. After Reading this guide you too will be able to give the Grim Reaper the two fingered salute when your ill advised raid Collapses.

Just as a warning, this page is fairly long, not entirely serious and not advisable to those with short attention spans

Table of contents:

Choosing your Class
Hunter
Mage+downsides
Rogue
Druid
Paladin
The Priest
Shaman
Death Knight
Warriors/Warlocks

Characters to watch out for:

The sacrifice
The Barometer
The Idiot
The Newly Leveled
The Elitist
The Superman and his sidekick
The Houdini
The alcoholic

Common Wipe scenarios and how to avoid them:
The inevitable Meltdown
It was going so well…..
OMGWTFBBQ??!?!?
The second coming of Leroy

Useful Tools
Addons
Engineering
Your Common sense

Thanks and references

Step 1. Choosing your Class

Not every class is suitable for the quick escape when things turn ugly, obviously some are better than others so here’s a quick rundown of who’s the most reliable in saving you a few g’s in repair bills. The most notable difference in classes is that only a few have the ability to completely dump aggro, meaning that in a sealed encounter, these are the only people likely to make it.

The Hunter

The Kings of cowardice, with abilities such as feign death, misdirect and a pet ready to go on suicidal distraction attacks for you, raiders lucky enough to be this class are ready for anything, their mail gear gives them at least 1 hit’s grace if they’re a bit slow on the uptake and with the short cooldown feign death has, they can easily claim just to be aggro dumping if Superman and his sidekick (see below) step in and still be ready for another wipe scenario.

The Mage

Coming at a close second to the Hunter is the Prince of Preparation (Be warned Illidan) Any mage worth their salt can drop everything and turn invisible at a moments notice. Spells such as mirror image or Ice Block can be critical in dropping the heat long enough to go invisible and make good your escape. Honourable mentions also include Frost Nova, Cone of Cold, Blast Wave and Dragon’s Breath which can give you that one second you need to get outta there you need.

Mage Downsides

Mages do have the shortcoming in being a squishy class, meaning they can generally only make a mistake once, making it a fine art in timing close combat spells such as cone of cold and Dragon’s Breath. As well as this Invisibility has two main Disadvantages. The first being its time taken for it to come in to effect. This disadvantage can be reduced by Timely Ice blocks, Mirror Images frost Nova’s ect. The second point is its 20 second lasting time. This means that for a mage to escape a wipe scenario means very careful timing in some areas. Alternatively a mage can simply use this time to leg it out of the Instance should the entrance be close enough

The Rogue

A quick thinking rogue has many avenues of escape when the Meltdown occurs. A watchful rogue can stealth Before a wipe occurs if they pay attention to things such as a auto running target who’s not watching where he’s going, or if the tank pulls when the healers oom. In combat a rogue can simply vanish when the S**t hits the fan, if an untimely aoe foils this plot, feint, tricks of the trade and sprint can be used to leg it to safety, or give them enough time for your vanish CD to go and Step in to glorious Survival… at the expense of the poor sap you dumped your aggro on of course.
Downsides include the aforementioned AOE vulnerability and being a leather class, if evasion is on CD, they don’t really have a hope if they’re caught off gaurd.

The Druid

In all talents and shapes, a druid can leg it quite well in all of them. Moonkins can create 3 walking pieces of Cannon Fodder with force of nature and can trap a single enemy with cyclone Feral Druids can Cower and Dash away from trouble and later use bear form to give them that last bit of survivability to the exit. The best thing about druids is that most of these abilities don’t require speccing into them, notably dash/cyclone, so a quick thinking player can shift to suit the situation quite rapidly
Unfortunately Tank and healer specced Players of all classes, are considered the raid Sacrifice see below for the full definition but put simply, they ain’t making it

The Paladin

Like Druids, DPS Retridins are only Pally likely to make it out alive unless the tank or healer happen to be in a particularly Vindictive mood. Paladins have the advantage of being plate wearers, giving them that extra bit of survivability that may be crucial if a wipe scenario is suddenly sprung on you. They also have a variety of stuns to choose from should the need arise, and with Pursuit of Justice they have the highest chance of making it to the door alive. The Final Paladin Bonus is that they can escape certain Boss encounters which not even hunters can survive with the infamous Bubble-hearth Combo. Please note that this is only a viable option if the Group/Raid is truly that terrible that you want to escape them in such a manner.

The Priest

Priests are a generally overlooked class when it comes to the quick escape, as they are mostly conscripted as healers, making a quick getaway quite difficult, however it can be done. Fade Temporarily reduced aggro by a massive amount, putting you bottom of the aggro table. Mind soothe will likewise reduce aggro, albeit not by as much. A Priest running away can also utilise Holy Nova if they want to fool people into thinking they’re doing something, as it causes absolutely no aggro and heals at the same time

The Shaman

Armed with mail gear, and a great number of snares, the shaman is quite capable of escaping a less than welcome situation. Earth-bind Totems, Timely Frost Shocks, Hexes, Thunderstorms and Feral Spirit Casts can also be your best friend when you run terrified from the homicidal hordes. Reincarnation, it should be noted, while not technically a way of avoiding death is quite useful if your sole reason for wanting to do so is a lack of inclination to run all the way back from the entrance.

The Death Knight

Players who use this class have similar advantages to hunters and druids in the way they can send minions to go on suicidal charges in order to save their own skin. Coupled with their plate gear, non talented dmg reductions, and numerous frost Snares, they are equipped to coffin dodge on command

Warlocks and Warriors

The most unfortunate classes in their way of being last in the line when speed boosts and snares were handed out.
warlocks have the advantage with a minion to sacrifice at their command, and a teleport spell that will suffice in certain situations.
Warriors have got their armour and defensive stance going for them, meaning that if necessary in heroics, they can avoid death by taking over tank duty.
Both have fear spells that can be used in a last ditch effort to save themselves, but apart from that, they don’t really have much to boast about in the coward department. (why you would is a mystery admittedly, but the couldn’t if they wanted to is my point)

Characters to watch out for:

In every raid there are different personalities, especially when pugging. Some of these can be pretty dangerous to the hopeful coward while some can, with a little luck, be used as human shields (or dwarf or gnome ect) to make good your escape.

The Sacrifice

These unfortunate souls are the ones doomed to die when the wipe occurs. They are generally the Tanks and Healers, but some DPS in some raids feel honour bound to fight to the last in order to try and maximise the chance of getting a kill (because of course a single hunter can take down Hodir at 50%….) some of these can coincide as a Barometer (see below) These are by far the most useful player in a raid, as they are quite happy to maximise aggro while you dump yours, making your escape easier the more of these sorry fools there are.

Barometer

These are the key raid Players without whom the raid cannot function. Generally these are the tanks and healers but in some situations, such as an enrage timer, DPS can be Barometers as well, as without sufficient numbers. They get their name due a barometer being able to predict Storms. In this Case, your raid wiping.

The Idiot

These are the people who got living bomb cast on them all that time ago, and instantly charged the healers. The Nemesis of all Tanks and Healers, regardless of their raid position. God only knows how these people got to heroics let alone to raiding level. Perhaps their guild felt sorry for them and boosted them, giving them a false sense of confidence. Perhaps they E-Bayed and now you have to pay for that decision. Regardless these people do not know how to play their class, have know idea what a tactic is, and aggro control is as much of a mystery to them, as how they got their gear is to us. Their only useful role is to provide a Barometer effect should the leader be so foolish as to give them responsibility you know as well as they do that if there is a fire, they will stand in it. God Have mercy on you should one of these people be your tank or Healer.

The Newly leveled.

These people mean well, and they probably know their class, but they really shouldn’t be raiding. Their gear is rare at best and they wouldn’t know the boss tactic if it took a dump on their keyboard. They operate in a similar way to the idiot, however the main difference is that one day these people could have a chance at actually learning to play

The Elitist

These people can be a Godsend or a curse, depending on your view. They have an encyclopedic knowledge of all raid encounters, their gear is impeccable and they know your class better than you do. They will likely be both a superman and/or a barometer of the group, making your job a bit easier depending on which one they are. Their downsides include that they have low tolerance of us mere mortals, meaning should they be a healer, they will hold grudges and “forget” to heal you occasionally. They also have low wipe tolerance. If they get pissed at you, expect an exit quicker than John Prescot on hearing an Ice cream van. Though quick, these exits can be predicted. Look out for phrases such as omg! WTF YOU NOOBS! and so on and so forth. Depending on how trivial the mistake that triggered the response was, you can predict their wipe tolerance.

The Superman and his sidekick

The useful tool to any escaping via foot, the bane of any mage going invisible in a locked encounter. The superman is the player who tries to swoop in at the last minute and save the wipe. This may be any plate wearer in a heroic, or the MT that the druid manged to combat ress in the nick of time. They are certain to fail, unless their sidekick manages to help them in time. The sidekick is normally a healer without whom the superman will always fail. They practically always fail anyway, even with the healer. The superman, as mentioned above will likely give you half a minutes grace, if that, depending on how much of the raid is still alive. This will give you time to either leg it to the door, or give enough time for a mages indivisibility to expire, taking you down with them.

The Houdini

The ultimate Authority on escaping raid wipes. No matter how fast you vanish or feign death, he did it faster. He see’s the flows of aggro and healers ooming in ways even the gods themselves cannot. He will even be better at escaping than you as a warrior, he’s that good. Should the Houdini be placed in an important position, you are probably safe, he wouldn’t do it if he knew the group wasn’t up to scratch. That said, should the raid be in a position not to his liking, he will escape. Keep tabs on him for this reason, as his passing will likely obliterate the raid, and you with it if you’re not careful

The alcoholic

Imagine the scenario…. its 9am on a sunday, your faction has wintergrasp so you do an early raid to see if you can get that PVP gear you always wanted. you notice a player acting weirdly, he keeps running at walls, has slow reaction times and will afk for quarter of an hour sometimes more. You think how can anyone be pissed at this time in the morning? He found a way. A combination of the idiot and the new raider. He knows his class, he just can’t remember how to play it right now, don’t even talk about tactics. Seriously, even if you do he’s far too hammered to read it. A (barely) walking wipe.

Wipe Scenarios

Certain encounters play out in certain ways, knowing what will happen is the prerequisite to knowing how to run away from it properly

The inevitable meltdown

Sometimes, you just know its gonna happen. The raid leader put an idiot in a crucial position, one of the tanks died and the Plate Dps took over tanking. In this situation just stop trying. Its crucial for you to keep your threat as low as possible so when it all goes to hell, you’re first off the mark when it comes to legging it. Casters may consider wanding the target, Melee use white damage ect. Whatever you do, do not use your total aggro dumps such as vanish or invisi until the end. Don’t even use feign death, the cooldowns short, but in this situation things are very unpredictable.

Notable examples include the Aforementioned idiot example, or a DK understudy getting killed on the Rasuvious fight

It was going so well……

These are the situations where you hit the jackpot in groups, everyone knows their stuff, the gears great and there’s no idiots for miles around. Then BAM the tragedy occurs, maybe the healer got a lagspike and the MT tanking Patchwerk copped it . These situations are very different from the meltdown scenario due to the speed of which the subsequent wipe occurs. This time you’ve got about 10 seconds to react or your dead. Dump aggro ASAP and get the hell outta there

OMGWTFBBQ?!?!?!?

This is generally perpetrated by and Idiot where, for multiple reasons, lots of crap happens very quickly. Maybe the previously competent tank was an idiot in disguise and pulled 3 groups, or the hunter/rogue misdirected aggro on to the healer. whatever the reason, this is another reflex check, and the tacts are the same as before, dump aggro and leg it!

The second coming of Leroy

A fairly obvious event, where somebody, for reasons of the own, decides to ninja pull as many mobs as possible. Likely a paladin due to the bubble hearth ability. The ultimate reflex tester, as the ninja puller, unless they are a genuine idiot, will target the raid during a mana break. Same drill as before, dump and leg it. In This scenario, Superman is your best friend as he will undoubtedly try and rescue the raid, just as undoubtedly fail, and give the sensible cowards precious time to run.

Useful preparations

Addons

A decent threat meter is incredibly useful. The Game meter is good for a general idea of your threat, but the professional coward wants to know exactly where they rank on threat, and who they should watch to know when they’re next on the bosses s**t list. Deadly Boss mods or an equivalent can also be a literal lifesaver, telling you when the next, potentially stealth/invisibility breaking aoe is due so you can take steps to work around it.

Engineering profession

Engineers get the nitroboosts, the ultimate escape tool. This alone makes it worth it, but you can also get goblin jumper cables and the gnomish army knife. This has the advantage of saying “no i wasn’t cowardly running for my life honestly, i wanted to save the raid!” This excuse can hopefully stave off the explosive exit of the pissed off elitist when you need him most

Your Common sense!

If you’re not sure about your group, take it easy for the first boss or two, if you’ve pulled a dud group this makes it easier to escape from the wreckage with as little equipment damage as possible.
Alternatively, do as good a job as you can (short of taunts) to pull the aggro, then gauge how well the tank/healers coped with you being such an *sshole.

Well thats it from me, your coward in chief and i hope you use this guide to save the gold you wanted to spend on that enchantment/gem you’ve always wanted. That is if you actually be bothered to read it for this long.

Thanks and references.
Without these particular pages, and the people who wrote them, this post would no be possible. Ok maybe it would, but it probably wouldn’t be as good.

http://www.wowwiki.com/People_in_your_Raid
http://www.wowwiki.com/People_in_your_pug

Feel free to comment if you can spot a way of improving the page, suggesting more ideas or simply regaling us with stories of particularly stupid players/Pugs you’ve had the misfortune to play with.
Would prefer Constructive remarks, but flamers and trolls are welcome, if only so the rest of us can rofl at your pathetic existence.